New York Parking

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blond replies...."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

That's awesome, certainly one smart blonde!

Well this is a first, a smart blonde joke!

lol - here you go

a young boy comes down for breakfast Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.

'Not yet,' said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his
chores. Well, he's a little ticked off so when he
feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow, and when he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks.

'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week.

I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.

I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't
getting any milk.'

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and
kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile,
and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I?'

Makes no sense..

yes it does.......

It actually took me a minute to get that. I wasn't expecting it to be a dirty joke! If the boy is little he probably thinks that the dad won't get to eat the cat, or pet it or something. If he is in his teens, then his mind might be in the gutter.

I'm not sure if I should post an explanation here but Acal might not know enough American slang to get this joke. Let me just say that the dad might be sleeping on the couch for a week and see if Acal can get the joke from that. If not, maybe one of us can send him an e-mail.

Kimberly

Kimberly

my first reaction
the second one was... Ai yai yai! my virgin eyes

LOL....I must have a dirty mind because I got the joke right away!!!

that is very funny but not right

Well I must have a dirty mind too because I understood it. LOL!

HAHAHA! I LOVED IT.

I was cracking up. That funny stuff and you know it don't take much for my mind to go to the gutter.

That is so funny!!....I love it!

omg!!!!!!!!!!! that was hilarious! i'm gonna tell my friends that joke now!

Lol Jill I do believe mine is always in the gutter BUT who doesn't love a dirty joke...anytime? Hehehe.

oh.. god that is serious gutter material! I didn't know what the cat was refering to!

Been awhile since I had heard that one, Stauri! Took me a couple of minutes to get it! Maybe we have been Southern Belles too long, huh?

wren

Shaa dirty minds think alike?

who me??
shaa = or was it shaa = ????
i forget sometimes

I have more, but I don't want to start anything. Like I haven't already

dont get shy on us NOW Stauri

I insist you start something!

Just be careful Stauri because wants you start something there is not going back....(cue more evil music)

I can't get into my work e-mail account to post some more. That is mostly where the guys send them to me.

Ok this may be a little different from the original, but I'll try to go off what I remember.

A teacher was talking to her classroom full of boys regarding edicate - the topic was how to excuse yourself to go the restroom when in the presence of a girl.

She informed the young men that it was improper to go to say "Excuse me but I have to go to the restroom"

She asked the boys what they thought was the proper way to excuse themselves from the table.

Jack raises his hand and says "Excuse me but I think I have to pee" The teacher informs him this is rude and says no that is also not proper.

Chris raises his hand and states "Excuse me but I need to go to the bathroom to relieve myself" The teacher again informs the class that this is incorrect.

A third hand goes up and the teacher hesistates before calling on Johnny and goes ahead and lets him give his example. Johnny stands up and says "Excuse me but I have spotted an old friend, and I need to shake his hand, and if your lucky later on tonight you will get to me him"

Stauri - and her sad attempt at humor.

Stauri that was funny!

OMG lol shake an ol' friend
I love it
I've got tears
I know I am amused easily.

i almost spilled my soda in laptop

but i liked the joke so i'll give you a

shaashaine who is still up

Okay I have one, I got it on myspace but... Please dont get mad its naughty-ish SORRY I CAN'T HELP MYSELF!

OMG - that was funny. If I had been drinking milk it would have come out of my nose.

That was too funny!!! I am still laughing!

*Bows oh so humble like*
Thank You Thank You
Yesssss Ma'm's
You Are Welcome

Very funny Kelli.

i sent that to everyone i know!..i am still laughing!

ok hear's a real good one



LOVE DRESS


A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.

She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What a re you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Mike loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left.
When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

LOL
...i mean bad husband bad

Hehe.. I've seen that one before

i have more


True" Friendship

None of that Sissy Crap



Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.



1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry ******* who made you sad.



2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.



3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.



4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.



5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.



6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.



7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.



8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.



9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".



Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.



Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

Bump

Kim